This is an email Julie received in 2015 from a past client she saw in 2004:
"Hi Julie,
I am writing because you have been on my mind now for several years. I wonder if, in your profession, you ever have those "I wonder what became of ___?" moments. Not that my story/situation should have necessarily stood out among the hundreds of people that you have helped.
My name is (left out for confidentiality) and I was one of your clients in Jan 2004. I sought Christian counseling out of desperation because I wanted to understand the dynamics behind domestic violence and what perpetuates it. I was a mom of six young children (age 8 to newborn) in a dreadfully abusive marriage.
Whether any of this rings a bell, I don't know. What I do know is that I need to thank you.
Thank you for being available and accessible, compassionate and wise. "Available" because I desperately wanted help. "Accessible" because I didn't have insurance or money when I so needed that help. "Compassionate" because (I didn't realize this at the time) I needed my circumstances & concerns to be validated/legitimized. And "wise" because you very delicately introduced some key concepts to me that I had never known. Had you been impassioned or forceful at all in suggesting to me what I should think or do in my situation, I would have bolted – because (I later figured out) denial was my chief coping mechanism at the time.
There are three things I'll never forget. First of all, I will never forget your suggestion that I look up Battered Woman's Syndrome. I remember the gut-level, sinking feeling I had when I read the words describing each of the four levels and thinking, "OMG, I'm at the worst level." I also remember being completely surprised when you suggested that my then-husband would likely abuse me again (even though it had happened many times before). You then explained the Cycle of Violence and just *suggested* that I watch for it. And lastly, you recommended the book, Boundaries.
It's difficult to nutshell the long, arduous journey that has spanned then until now – but I'll remain brief. I finally mustered the resolve to call the police (2004). That year was littered with restraining orders, apologies, separation, trying to get back together, etc. By Jan 2005, the children and I left again to stay with my parents – not realizing at the time that it would be my last time to leave. By March, my then-husband had closed all our bank accounts, taken all of our money, cancelled credit cards, cut off my cell phone, and said that he wouldn't pay "one more red cent unless we were living under his roof." By April, I had experienced the humiliation of signing up for government assistance & was agonizing over what to do and how to support us all. By May, I had signed up for my first college class ever. (I had graduated high school 16 years prior.) Talk about fear & trepidation! By the end of that first summer class, it became clear that I needed to file for divorce.
By August 2006, I had a 4.0 GPA and began nursing school. I cannot begin to say how difficult this time was. (It was during this time that I had to get a judge's order to allow me to repossess our belongings that had been held hostage.) Later, I realized that going to school was also therapeutic in the sense that it required me to focus. (Plus, I had determined to do any research papers on domestic violence.) By July 2007, the dreadfully long divorce ordeal was finally finalized. By May 2008, I graduated at the top of my class – a Registered Nurse.
Also by then (and to my great surprise), God brought my now-husband into our lives. (Husband's name left out for confidentiality) has truly been the greatest gift ever. But that's another story..:)
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to thank you. For years I have wanted to do this, but I couldn't remember your last name & didn't know how to reach you. Then yesterday, as I was going through one of the "dreaded boxes," I happened upon a receipt that had your name. I was able to Google you today & learned not only where you are now – but read about your various accomplishments thus far. Wow! I'm really happy for you.
Thank you again for allowing God to use you to nudge me toward the path of healing. Had I known how hard it would be on the outset, I doubt I would've had the courage to take the plunge. On the other hand, I know I wouldn't have lived through it had I stayed. Ultimately, I did what I did for the sake of my kids – and found the beginnings of healing myself.
With sincere gratefulness,"
(client from 2004)
